To ask for what you need…
From my journal, first trimester of Pregnancy…
To ask for what you need
Has got to be one of the simplest damn things, yet ironically also one of the hardest things.
I’ve done a really great job of being independent. “Sovereign”.
The thing is, I’m growing a mf’ing baby and it’s taking massive tolls on me.
I’m just being real here.
This last week I quite literally flipped out on my partner for not showing up for me in the way I needed. I felt so alone in my experience. Feeling sick, anxious, exhausted…
How was he to know? He didn’t. And women - I’m sharing this because PERMISSION slip, to tell your support what you need.
It can feel so scary and vulnerable to feel like you’re on your own in this. And to single moms who do… wow. You are stronger than any living being on this planet.
All I needed, and what you do too, was to remember “I’m not alone.” To ask for my needs.
“I want him to think about what I might need and do that for me.. it’s not that hard!” I shared with a new friend - a sister who is also pregnant.
“Can I give you some advice?” She cautioned…
“Tell him EXACTLY what you need. And be specific. They don’t know…”
The answer I knew I needed but didn’t want. I rolled my eyes in the dark under the moonlight as we bathed in the heat of the hot springs. She couldn’t see the disgust on my face, but I was annoyed as shit that she was right.
“It’s not rocket science to think about your pregnant girlfriend!” I defended myself, while also agreeing.
“Believe me, I know.” She comforted me. “But men aren’t like women. They really don’t know..”
The next day I had the hard conversation with with my partner. It wasn’t easy, because the first thing that men will do is get defensive. For good reason.. they’ve had to defend themselves their whole lives, proving to the world that they are in fact good enough.
I have to remind myself that it’s a hard world for men too…
Ultimately, we came back to our hearts. We came back to love. He helped me clean my house and my car while I layed down and did nothing.
He asks me how I’m doing, he checks in, because I told him I need that… every single day.
Unbecoming independent is hard.. I’ve always been able to go my life not relying on anyone else because at the end of the day, I can make myself happy, fulfilled, complete…
So mamas.. if you’re out there and you’re feeling unsupported. I see you. I feel you.. I really do. Please know that you don’t have to do this alone. Please ask for support, and don’t feel bad about it.
I love you.
Brooke