The death before the rebirth

Happy Wednesday friends,

It’s been a loooong time since I’ve sent out an email newsletter. While today I have nothing I am inviting you into, I rather wanted to share an update, and also a story about my journey over these last few extremely challenging, and extremely beautiful months.

I am now 5 months along in pregnancy! It has been by far the hardest, most rewarding, most heart exploding, drop to my knees experience that life has ever given me.

There is so much to say about it - and so little to say at the same time. I am in the deepest awe and reverence for all women - and especially for Mothers during this sacred time. (If you want more details on my pregnancy journey, check out my latest reels on instagram here).

But for today, what feel alive & relevant for me to share with you —- whoever is reading this (whether you’re a mom, woman, or man - it will be relevant for you!), is the journey of the Death that comes before the Rebirth.

I want to talk about the softening that took place before conception, because I believe it is a big piece, if not the reason I was able and ready for pregnancy…

I used to be a little ball of fire. 

Fierce, powerful, yes. Feisty, fiery, yes also. 

And of course these qualities are still in me - I love these things about me. 

But last year I went through a slow, deep, softening. It’s what first made me a match for Rogelio - a soft, loving, heart centered man. 

I remember in the beginning thinking “he wasn’t masculine enough” - and eventually realizing, it was just me who needed to soften, not him who needed to harden. 

I took a big pause in my business. Many of my friendships paused as well. 

I was sick or injured almost every month of last year. 

Stray dog bite, Dengue… The list went on. And I’m grateful for all of these experiences because it forced me to slowwww down. 

Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, in my business, in my creations…

It was a year of “death” I called it. Because it felt like the coldest, most lifeless winter season one could experience internally. 

It’s ironic, and OF COURSE I went through my deepest death portal right before pregnancy. The winter, death, preparing me for quite literally and metaphorically the greatest rebirth that any living being can experience in their life. 

Winter is necessary preparation for spring. 

And the reason I’m sharing this with you today, is because I have been speaking to A LOTTTT (triple underline a lot) of people who have also been going through this.

So if you’re stuck, sick, slowed down… If you’ve lost your will, your motivation, your inspiration. If you feel hopeless, lifeless, numb… 

The question becomes… “What is this preparing me for?” 

And the lesson is, “How can I fully allow myself to surrender into this season, trusting that it is happening for me, on purpose..”

Your winter season might be a week, a month, or maybe years. 

One of the most respected women in my life shared with me that she went through a “7 year wintering”. This is coming from one of the most “successful”, creative, and liberated women in my life. She went 7 whole years “without even having the will to pick up a book” she had shared with me. 

Trust your timeline, and your process. It’s okay to go slow… In fact, it’s beautiful. 

My winter was a solid 1.5 years. And I think that the thing that allowed me to birth out of winter, was when, and only when, I truly surrendered to the Winter itself. 

It was the moment I finally “gave up” if you will. 

I stopped trying to change my mood to spring. 

I stopped trying to create, to move, to be productive. 

I layed on the bed, lifeless, allowing, deeply, for the cold to wash over me. 

From this place, came a very humble prayer, from a very humble place in my heart. 

This is when things started to shift. This is when I became pregnant…

Who knew that the year of my ‘greatest death’ was leading me towards birthing a human?

If I had known, that my Death was leading me towards pregnancy..

Would I have trusted a little bit deeper? Probably.

But the lesson of winter is not to go looking for spring. It is not to ‘stay hopeful’.

It is to fully allow yourself to die. 

So I’m writing to you today, if you’ve also been going through this, to allow it. Surrender it. Become it so fully you let go of all resistance. 

The winter season is here for you, to teach you, to prepare you. 

To let what needs to die, die. 

So the mulch can grow new seeds.

New beginnings are at bay… 

You never know what’s on its way… 

Reach out to me if this landed for you.

Lot’s of love,

Brooke